One of the Boys at the Board Room Table

Once again. Sitting at the table, surrounded. Me being the one and only. I’ve lost count as to how many times this scenario had reared its head over the past 10+ years. My thoughts and opinions floating in a sea of blue, button-down shirts. The token female at the board room table.

Ladies, where are you?

My concern continues regarding the lack of women in the executive suite, but I also fear that I’ve become one of them. Being the “one and only” for too many years, had my unique female perspective been suffocated? Did my empathy fall off as I was climbing the corporate ladder? I ask as the cliché, “you are the company you keep” bangs in my head.

Sitting in the audience of a SXSW session back in March titled, “Women are Building the Brands We’ve Always Wanted,” I was listening to one of the panel members, Amanda Clark, EVP of Retail Experience at Taco Bell, relay the advice from one of her early mentors: “I didn’t hire you to be one of them. I hired you to be you.”

Growing up in Wisconsin, I was socialized - like most females - to be kind, collaborative and empathetic. Always a leader, I was taught - and expected - to be sensitive to the feelings of others in school, on the tennis court and at home. Exception being, junior high and the screaming matches with my Mother. These characteristics lived on in college, first job in Colorado and when I followed my heart to Massachusetts.

Per the 2015 documentary, The Mask You Live In by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, most men were not raised in this manner. Silent, strong and aggressive are the traits that are expected by society and rewarded when demonstrated. Any feelings to the contrary are perceived as weak. Feminine. Don’t be a “sissy.” Be an athlete. Be wealthy. Be with many women.

If men have been socialized to reject those attributes primarily possessed by women, how do they accept, listen and collaborate with us as peers? Looking back, there is a strong correlation between my rise in the ranks and the loss of femininity. With every step, my female pack faded to the back. I became one of the few, trying to one of the many. People like people like themselves. I changed and they listened.

Shortly after becoming President of Commission Junction in 2007, I was about to promote one of my female colleagues to a leadership position. She had just returned from maternity leave when we met for dinner to discuss the goals of her new, big role. Tuna sashimi melting in our mouths, hot saké in our bellies, we planned and plotted for hours.

The next day, she sent me an email requesting a reduced work week. Not a word last night nor in the days or weeks prior! Nothing until now and why via email!? Any empathy present was stampeded by aggression. She was scared and I didn’t care. Too busy being a badass for the boys.

Ego trumped compromise. The promotion conversation imploded. Nobody won and I’m sorry.

There is a reason that companies with more diverse management teams see 19% higher revenue than those with little or no management diversity (Boston Consulting Study, 2018). Different perspectives equate to more robust solutions and greater innovation. By the abandoning girl from Wisconsin with a sensitive soul, I was hindering - not helping - the business.

We all possess feminine and masculine qualities. In today’s modern era, both sides of the brain are required to be a transformational leader. Community. Collaboration. Relationships. As I continue to rediscover my own femininity, I encourage all those at the board room table - regardless of gender - to do the same.