Finding Fulfillment in Flats

Road warrior. Battle wounds in Boston. Conquest in Columbus. War won in Wichita. The last three weeks, I had been on the road visiting clients, prospects and our local offices. Feet, head, hurt. Sitting at lunch, pulling information from a prospect, I glance at a group of women as they laugh loudly in their tennis attire. Fun. Easy. Envy. Looking down at my fitted dress (thank you Spanx) and heels, I wonder, if I slowly sidle up to their table, would they notice?

I am now one of those women in tennis attire laughing heartily at lunch. My beautiful heels have not seen the light in months as they've been replaced by tennis shoes and dare I say it, flats. My tennis game is in prime condition and thanks to spinning, I will never be in better shape. Yet, why do I feel a pang of jealously as I witness the daily drop-off of children by my former posse, the working - beyond the home - mothers?

Spending time with my 13-year old daughter, who loves me one day and despises me the next. Awesome, really. Re-connecting with my husband of 15 years. Fantastic. We still like each other! Developing friendships outside of work. What a concept. Traveling for fun and not checking email repeatedly. Wow. Reading novels and the New York Times voraciously. Brilliant. I’m really happy. What I’m not? Fulfilled.

I miss the team. Problem solving with my peers. Mentoring the young and hungry. Achieving big, hairy, audacious goals and celebrating with unbridled enthusiasm. Standing before the company with inspirational intent and succeeding. Meeting the needs of clients and prospects with strategy and innovation. Team-building dinners and events. Traveling to distant places and collaborating with different cultures.

“If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness, for a lifetime, help somebody.” Chinese proverb.

What I’ve seen over the last nine months is, most of these women “laughing at lunch in tennis attire” - and men - are consistently helping others. Volunteering in the classroom. Fundraising. Providing after school care. Working in the cafeteria. Tutoring. Coaching. Organizing school events. Serving on the board of a local charity. Carpooling your kids and mine. Considering the constant state of crisis surrounding budgets, these efforts are critical in keeping our schools alive! Thank you new posse, thank you. 

It may be time for me to look beyond the four, office walls - and my heels - to find fulfillment.