Pepto Anyone? Dealing with Diarrhea of the Mouth
She was still talking. All those around me in various stages of unrest. Pen twirling. Daydreaming. Leg bouncing. Nail picking. Oh shit. I beg of you, please don’t. Here we go. Listening again to the days of old when she was a consultant at a London-based, telephony company. Waiting for the other shoe to drop…there it is, the reference to the Ivy League degree. Booyah!
My face contorts as I stifle a yawn while wanting to scream at the top of my lungs. Unfortunately, she is a client. Big client. When I attempted to reclaim the conversation, she transformed into one of Khaleesi's dragons. Her fire licking my face. This is why they pay us the big bucks.
Business or personal, we’ve all been there. Victims of a serious epidemic called Diarrhea of the Mouth. Admittedly, I have - on occasion - assumed the role of conversation assailant. But, being empathetic, I’m constantly reading the room - or individual - for social queues. Are they making eye contact? Asking questions? Nodding their head? Leaning in? If not, I immediately stop talking and request their engagement. What do you think? Are you following? Do you agree? Any questions? Concerns?
According to author and career counselor, Marty Nemko, all of us should be following the “Traffic Light” rule. The first 30 seconds of a conversation, your listener is probably paying attention. Exception being, your teenage son or daughter. Ahem. During the second 30 seconds, the light turns yellow - meaning, the listener wants you to finish. At the one-minute mark, the light is red. Wrap it up. “With each passing second, you increase the risk of boring your listener and having them think of you as a chatterbox, windbag, or blowhard,” says Nemko.
One minute! A mere one minute and we risk losing our listener. How many times PER DAY do you violate this rule?
Several months back, I met with a woman attempting to recruit me as a CEO for her latest venture. Following initial introductions, she spoke for 53 minutes. Non-stop. I interrupted several times until it became a game. How long will she go? 30 minutes? Nope. 45? Beat that. 53 minutes! At the onset of the conversation, I was 100% open to the opportunity. Minute 20, I shut the door. Generous, I know. The windbag slowly deflated as I informed her of my current interest in another company at minute 55. I felt guilty, then pity. She had a serious case of diarrhea.
Per Mark Goulston, author of the book Just Listen, “one reason some people are long-winded is because they’re trying to impress their conversational counterpart with how smart they are, often because they don’t actually feel that way underneath."
To combat the contraction of this disease, I typically start every conversation - business and personal - with a series of questions. What did you do this past weekend? On the last earnings call, your CEO referenced the challenging, promotional environment. Can you discuss further? What are your Summer plans? Why did you join this company versus the market leader? Any good restaurants/books/movies as of late?
Not only do I avoid the diarrhea curse, but I establish a connection with the individual(s), build trust and can interject - where appropriate - with my own experience in a minute or less. Booyah!