got fired?

I should have seen it coming. Exclusion from meetings. Taking the long way to avoid my personal perimeter of engagement. No eye contact, despite my desperate attempts to make a connection with my green ones. For weeks, I had been feeling isolated, invisible and very insecure. 

Prior to the arrival of most that morning, I was pulled into a corner conference room by our co-founder. Perpetuating the no eye contact trend and adding a nervous twitch, he sputtered that the company had “made the difficult decision” to eliminate the chief revenue officer (CRO) position and ultimately, me. Having worked at another company for 16 years, I was stunned. “Was there anything that I could have done differently,” I asked. With tears in his eyes, he shook his head side-to-side, prompting my own waterworks. 

The rest of the conversation is a blur as we both struggled to communicate but it was made clear that I was to leave immediately. Why? I don’t know. Since I entered the workforce at 15, my professionalism nor performance had ever been called into question. If I were to remain on-site days/weeks, my belief and positivity in the business would not wane, allowing for a graceful exit. Inexperience was the only reason that I could conjure in order to sympathize with their approach. The awkwardness of that infamous day lives on for all involved as we haven’t spoken since. 

Given the immediacy, I sprinted back to my desk in an attempt to mitigate the size of the surrounding audience. With every minute, more bodies entered the building with a Philz coffee in hand, clueless to the conversation that had just ensued. Fueled by shame, my “flight” mode was in full effect, boxing my belongings like I was trying to achieve a Guinness world record. Once complete, I slid out in silence and drove home to the arms of my husband where the waterworks would come and go, depending on the memory. 

Unlike the recent Twitter firings, my access to Slack remained active for several hours following so I possessed a rare insight into the narrative surrounding my departure: “Today is Kerri Pollard’s last day. Kerri is an exceptional talent that we are fortunate to have had join us for the ride. Unfortunately, her unique skills are not ones that we will require going forward so her position is being eliminated and will not be backfilled.” 

According to Zippia, an online recruitment service, 40% of Americans have been fired from a job. In 2022 alone, 15.4 million Americans were laid off. As proven by the numbers, getting fired is a rite of passage for A LOT of people. So, why did I feel so much shame? Word of my elimination was already dancing from ear to ear but shame prompted me to ask our CEO to massage the narrative to a “mutually agreed-upon” separation. The lyrics didn’t change and the song kept playing, as is. 

In an upcoming post, I will speak to my childhood and the baggage born in Green Bay, WI. Rarely feeling “good enough” is one of my largest pieces of luggage, especially in the presence of those on a pedestal, elevated by yours truly - i.e., bosses, Ivy-educated, parents, etc. Getting fired was the ultimate slap of validation, cementing this insecure mindset for years to come. I was convinced that when others learned of this “slap,” no one would want to hire or work with me. “She’s not xxxx enough.” Pick an adjective as I exhausted all of them in the exercise of self sabotage. 

Good news for all, my perspective is dead wrong. I recommend an alternative one as outlined by Harvard Business Review: “Most leaders see an executive in the ranks—even the best performers—as filling an assignment. When it’s over—for strategic or financial reasons—so is the executive’s tenure with the company. Even the most desirable job is finite.” (July - August 2001). 

“Filling an assignment.” Executive or not. Fired or not. Most jobs should be considered an assignment that will come to an end. Nothing more. Your colleagues are not family. The company is not your forever home. Your job and identity are not the same (Kerri Pollard). The “assignment” may change during the course of your tenure, requiring a different skill set. Or, a new manager with opposite expectations may assume the helm. Or, like mine, your assignment may be eliminated in its entirety. 

The power surrounding the word “assignment” pales in comparison to that of career, job, profession, etc. It does not have the strength to tell any of us that we are “not good enough.” 

With an assignment mindset, what are you doing NOW to land your next one? Always be connecting. Shout out to my former colleague Scott and his commitment to reaching out to a sub-set of friends and past co-workers every Sunday night. No favors asked, merely a “hello” and “how are you doing? What can I do to help you?” Speaking of, I owe you a return phone call! Thank you George for encouraging me to interview for a new “assignment” at least once a year. My apologies in that I failed to explore other industry associations or non-profits, like you also recommended. In short, readers do as I say, not as I do. ;)

Although I’m no longer interviewing, I still get asked, “why did you leave?” With my head held high and shoulders back, I state with pride, “my assignment came to end.” I didn’t know it then but it ended up being the BEST outcome.