Sweat, SoulCycle and Success
“There is no change without challenge people!” Alia was five feet nothing, but her presence loomed large in the candlelit room. I took a deep breath in search of more fire. Legs, do not leave me now. “You are stronger than you think!” She bellowed again. The lactic acid burned bright in my quads and sweat seeped from every gland, endlessly. Was I showering the rider behind me with Eau de KP? I leaned forward. Alia jumped off her podium, squatted before a front row rider and barked, “you are a leader and need to lead - get out of the saddle!” The rider remained seated. Alia shouted again. No movement. If I was her target, I would be halfway to San Fran - stationary bike et al. Begrudgingly, Alia surrendered, retreated and the rider continued at her own pace.
SoulCycle, it’s a bitch - physically and mentally. But, I wondered: why do some kill themselves in class while others are satisfied with half speed? In various forms, this question has appeared before me numerous times over the years. Watching my daughter’s softball team and analyzing each player. Why do some pursue the ball with such tenacity while others have to be hit in the head to move? Managing and evaluating hundreds of employees directly and indirectly. Why do some seek out more responsibility - repeatedly - while others fly under the radar? When a student, why did some of my peers mirror that of Jeff Spicoli and others, of Erkel?
Passion. Focus. Hunger. Drive. Grit. Yes, but where does it stem from? Why do some possess it and others don’t? Why does it often depend on the situation in question?
A superiority complex. According to the authors, Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld, of the book, The Triple Package: How Three Unlikely Traits Explain the Rise and Fall of Cultural Groups in America, a belief in being exceptional is the first trait that most successful people possess. No surprise here, but hold on. “The second appears to be the opposite - insecurity, a feeling that you or what you’ve done is not good enough. The third is impulse control - the ability to resist temptation and systematically sacrifice present gratification in pursuit of future attainment.”
Chua and Rubenfeld go on to state that all three traits MUST be present to breed success. Superiority alone equates to complacency and assholes, I might add. Insecurity - flying solo - may result in years of therapy. Cha-ching. Impulse control - on its own - can produce extreme austerity. No fun. “Only in combination do these qualities generate drive and a longing to rise.”
Superiority, insecurity and impulse control. As a parent, how do I instill these qualities in my child? Do I play the role of “Tiger Mom” or Peg Bundy or both? As an employer, is it too late to develop such traits in our employees? Have nature and nurture already taken their course? We walk a fine line of praising too much or too little. Setting the bar too high or too low. Does everyone - or no one - get a trophy? What is the best approach?
Witnessing my daughter’s study habits and resulting grades, I’m pleased to say that she demonstrates all three qualities as it relates to academics. Peyton is extremely confident (superiority complex) in most subject areas, but the nerves (insecurity) come through with every test inspiring many late-night, study sessions (impulse control). Tennis, not so much. Despite the intense play of my husband and I along with her athletic prowess, she has no desire to put in the time necessary (impulse control) to be an exceptional player.
Although tennis may not be in Peyton’s future, she is my part of my SoulCycle peloton and her butt is always out of the saddle. ;)