Battling the Bro Culture
Although the media's attention has waned on the topic of sexual discrimination, the battle is far from over. My past experience pales in comparison to so many others, but is a much more common one. Isolation. Exclusion. I am extremely thankful for the strong women that have blazed the path before me. Read on...
Have the remnants of my lunch salad taken residence between my two front teeth? Had my voice reached a pitch heard only during my karaoke rendition of Hey Mickey by Tony Basil? Are my seemingly benign words offensive to others?
No, no and no. Why then, does he refuse to look at me when I’m talking?
It was our weekly staff meeting where I was describing a challenge that we had previously resolved, but it had reared its ugly head once again. Knowing my audience and their limited attention spans, I kept the overview brief along with my action proposal.
Hypnotized by the home screen, his eyes were glued to his mobile device. When the spell broke, he stared into the ether as if wondering, “where do I direct my line of sight next to avoid looking at her?” Rescuing him from this quandary, another male chimed in so he could safely resume eye contact with the speaker of the floor.
Excluding female co-workers from critical business decisions along with using adjectives such as “emotional” to describe us was widely known, but refusing to make eye contact was a special gift reserved just for me. Was my luck a result of being his only female peer?
Ranging from criminal behavior to exclusion in the workplace, the spectrum of sexism is wide. Disturbing stories have emerged for the public to gauge the level of severity. We are debating the pain of sexual assault vs. verbal abuse vs. complete disregard. It’s all bad. As women, we want MORE attention, but it must be the RIGHT kind of attention: respect, recognition and equal pay for equal work.
I was experienced enough to deflect his blackball behavior. It didn’t break my spirit nor kill my confidence. Instead, it merely fueled my curiosity. Why!?
One potential reason, unconscious biases. Stereotypes we’ve learned or developed based on our upbringing and experiences. According to Alice Eagly, professor at Northwestern University and social psychologist, many of us describe the female gender based on created filters. Nice, kind and compassionate are common ones. But, when asked to describe a successful leader, we use the following phrases: take charge attitude; makes tough decisions; assertive; and willing to fire people for cause.
Thus, when faced with a female (nice, kind, compassionate) in a leadership position (take charge, tough, assertive), some men – and women - are unable to reconcile these conflicting stereotypes and resort to deeming her unlikable. “Her behavior fails to support my strong opinions about how women should act. I don’t like it.”
Upon reading Professor Eagly’s research, I thought of Hillary Clinton. To what extent did she fall victim to these conflicting stereotypes in her Presidential campaign?
What to do?
We need to create a NEW stereotype in support of female leadership. One that defines us as strong, compassionate, decisive AND likable. For those that represent this stereotype today, we need to stay strong and recognize this road will resemble more of a labyrinth than a ladder.
To navigate this arduous maze, we as women must support one another. The minute we undermine one another or compete versus collaborate, we are hindering our own progress. Fueling stereotypes of old. It pains me to hear other women speaking ill of our own in fear that the male spotlight will shine only on a few.
For men in power reading this post, do you continue to rely on stereotypes of old? Is your circle of trust male dominated? Knowing the best ideas are driven by a variety of perspectives, what must you do to achieve such diversity? Hire more women. Invite them to the table. Listen. Be an advocate and mentor. We can’t do this alone.
"Step up," some would say. I did. Inserted myself in strategic discussions. Offered assistance at every turn. Earned the trust and support of my colleagues. Turned up the nice to minimize my perception as a threat. Supported by facts and data, questioned poor decisions that could have adversely affected the company and proposed alternatives. Most important, I performed and added value to the business.
To no avail…
He may never see, understand or accept this evolving stereotype. It may never happen for him. His loss and one that may hinder his own career progression. In the interim, I’m committed to blazing a trail through this labyrinth and helping other women do the same.
